


you can hear it in the silence

by sleepyboys



Series: silent screams and wildest dreams. [1]
Category: K-pop, MBLAQ, Ninja Assassin (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Like Seriously Check The Beginning Note, M/M, a bit OOC, see beginning note for an explanation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 02:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2606018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyboys/pseuds/sleepyboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, a "will you stay?" is better than any other words. Raizo is on the road to learn how to forgive himself, and how to open up his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you can hear it in the silence

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Yes, it's /that/ Lee Joon. I remember seeing something about Ninja Assassin 2 floating around tumblr, and a fan made a poster and a mini-sypnosis about how Raizo found Joon and they worked together to bring down another evil ninja clan, so that's how this came to life? Except not like the fan pictured it at all.I just liked the idea, and didn't want to think of a name for Joon's character (it's not like Joon is Joon's real name, anyway) I'm a sucker for AU!Jihoon/Joon tbh.  
> 2\. Yes, I am conscious that Joon was young!Raizo in Ninja Assassin, but we're just going to pretend that didn't happen, for everyone's sake and just because :-)  
> 3\. Joon isn't part of a ninja clan here, he's part of a creed-like assassin association. That's what happens after reading lots of AC fics.  
> 4\. Joongwon is So Jisub. Kudos to The Master's Sun fans who recognized the name. I want to expand more on his character and backstory, as well as Joon's.  
> 5\. This is not as romantic as it could have been. I just figured Raizo-and-Joon would have slow, SLOWWWWW build.  
> 6\. Reminder that english is not my first language, and I wrote this in like, a day, so excuse and kindly point out any grammar/spelling mistakes.  
> I think that's all! If you have any questions I'll be happy to answer!

1

Mika finds him months later, shacked up between the ruins-but-not-so-much of what used to be the clan’s headquarters. He has never particularly favored the countryside, and he doesn’t feel particularly nostalgic for a place he never called home, but he has to start somewhere. Here is cheap (he doesn’t even have to pay the rent, truly) and safe, since he knows every corner, everything surrounding the place where he grew up. Lord Ozunu is dead, but Raizo is still as paranoid as ever.

She walks in softly, almost as if she weren’t sure that he’s there. He keeps tending to the bonsais instead of turning around to face her. The few steps between him and the main entrance feel like an eternity. He hasn’t seen Mika in months, not ever since taking the revenge he thought would free him from the strange feeling in his chest (that hasn’t ever really been gone ever since Kiriko died)

When he opens the door, she’s standing there. All suited-up and as beautiful and proud as ever, wearing her badge like the greatest honor. It’s all very… _her_. It suits her. Mika was always destined to become something more than just one of many agents among Europol.

She speaks first. “Hey,” she says, her voice barely a whisper. There is no need for secrets, not anymore, since Europol decided he was not worth their trouble and resources, and just stopped looking for him. He has also been kind of pardoned for taking the Ozunu clan down, and saving them paperwork and all that. Still, Mika tip-toes around him, as if he were made of glass. She is very aware he is anything but fragile, though. “You look like hell.”

He snorts, cuts around the bonsai’s leafs as easily as he can handle a _kunai_. “Thank you. You look fine.” After what they had been through with the Ozunu clan, Mika looks more than fine. She looks at peace with herself, almost.

Something Raizo is still lacking, no matter what he tries.

She steps into the main room, her heels resonating through the wooden walls. “Europol has been discussing matters concerning you,”

So it’ll be that kind of conversation. Raizo nods, puts the bonsai scissors down, and gets up. He dares not touch her to greet her, since his fingers are coated in dirt. “I thought I had been pardoned.”

Perhaps pardoned is not the word, he thinks, as Mika chuckles. “You have. In a way. Will you still kill people for a living?”

There is an awkward, long silence between them. Raizo can’t make promises, not yet.

Mika sighs. “I want the best for you, Raizo, but you can’t have it if you keep going down this destructive path you’ve built for yourself.” She looks around. Raizo’s repaired the roof, and some of the bedrooms’ walls, so he could sleep in them, still, the house is certainly not what he would call ‘habitable’.

He’s had worse, back when he left, after Kiriko’s death, but Mika doesn’t need to know it.

“You’re staying here, then?” Mika asks, casual and safe enough. This, Raizo can talk about. If she suddenly tried to talk him into forgiving himself or something of the like, he’s not sure he could handle it.

Raizo nods. “For now. It’s better than nothing.” And it certainly is better than staying in hotel rooms, making ends meet with the money he used to gain from his mercenary jobs. He’s trying to distance himself from that world as much as possible.

Mika nods, understanding, or as understanding as she can be. She’s wonderful and supportive, but he doesn’t expect her to understand why Raizo can’t quite move on just yet. This house is full of memories he has to deal with, before being completely free from the ties that bound him to the Ozunu clan, even after its death.

“I could always get you a place in Europol,” Mika offers, interrupting his train of thought.

Raizo snorts. “Me, a well-behaved agent?” he replies, mockingly. “I don’t think so, Mika. You would have better luck with a madman.”

She smiles, almost fondly. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” she replies, not taking his mocking words to the heart. Easy-going, yet strong and determined. Mika will definitely become something else on her own. Perhaps some of those super-secret government agencies will recruit her, once they learn she helped stop an evil ninja clan.

She looks around the room once again. It will take completely replacing some parts of it, burned as they are, before he decides what to do with all the space. “This one’s a real fixer-upper, huh?”

Raizo lets out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, I guess.”

-

Mika leaves hours after. He doesn’t expect her to stay, not really. She has her own life, is her own person, and can’t always be babysitting him, besides, it’s not like there’s anywhere decent where she could sleep.

They say their goodbyes near the main entrance, Mika still looking behind him, with a certain nostalgic look in her eyes. Perhaps she pities him, staying between ruins and long-past memories of who he used to be. Perhaps she simply knows that the monsters he’s run away from his whole life will come haunt him, here, all alone. Raizo wouldn’t know. While Mika can read him like an open book, it takes a while for him to even understand her many expressions.

“See you,” Mika says.

“I think not,” Raizo replies, certain that this is the last time they will see each other, or that they will not see each other in a long, long time. Mika is more important now, after all, has more responsibilities.

She chuckles. “Yeah. I think not. Try not to wreak havoc.”

“Go save the world.” He replies, and they hug.

He doesn’t see Mika for a long, long time.

-

It eventually gets easier, to walk around the house and not think too much about his brothers and sisters, about his mentors, about Kiriko and Takeshi. Things long past, and things long lost.

If he were still part of the Ozunu clan, Lord Ozunu would, for sure, mock him for being such a weakling. _Assassins do not feel anything. Grief and love are for children_. These are all things Raizo learned and is having a hard time unlearning.

Baby steps, he supposes, as he fixes a wall, grooms the bonsais, sweeps this floor or that one. This will never be home, but he can make it as close to one as possible.

 

2

It starts with little things, like the bonsais moving slightly from where they were originally placed, the bonsai scissors appearing in a complete different room from where Raizo left them, the food he tries to keep in the cabinets being placed differently each time. Someone else would have thought to be too forgetful, would have shrugged it off as being nothing but forgetful, but Raizo is sure he has not moved things around the house.

It takes a little more than a month, for him to catch whoever is moving and taking his things. He waits in the darkness, used to hiding in it after years of training. The thief must be good, but not as well-trained as Raizo.

He waits for what feels like years, and attacks. This doesn’t need to be all too graceful and he doesn’t need to be careful, as long as he catches the thief, it’s fine enough, technique be damned.

The thief fights against him. He has obviously been trained, but by who, Raizo can’t tell. His movements are graceful and fast, but not fast enough, and soon, Raizo has the thief trapped under him.

“Fool,” he says, his kunai on the thief’s throat. “Have you not heard of me, or of the Ozunu clan?” he leaves out that, had an Ozunu clan member trapped him, he would already be dead, laying on the cold ground with his throat cut.

A long time ago, Raizo wouldn’t have pardoned this thief’s life so easily. Now…

“I have heard enough about you, Mr. Raizo,” the thief says, his voice soft and calm, almost as if he weren’t in the middle of a life-or-death situation. “Perhaps you will release me, and let me explain, though being under you is not _too_ bad…” Raizo can almost feel the thief’s smile, despite not being able to see it, in the dark, it’s almost enough to make him stop in his tracks.

“How can I trust you?” he asks, softening his hold on the thief’s arms.

“Because Miss Mika trusts me,” the thief replies, squirming under Raizo’s hold. “My name is Joon. I carry no weapons, so feel free to release me, once you want to stop rubbing your body on the lower part of my own body.” The thief – _Joon_ replies, his tone mischievous, though under it all, Raizo can almost palpate a bit of fear.

It’s not hard to infer that Joon is young, perhaps not as young as Raizo had been when Kiriko died, but still young and impressionable. The mention of Mika has Raizo staring at this strange, almost-fearless young man. It would be so easy to simply cut his throat and be done with it, whether Mika trusts him or not.

Instead, he releases Joon, who rushes off to the corner, rubbing his right forearm. Raizo almost feels like apologizing, for not measuring his hold’s strength, but refrains from doing so, waiting for Joon to speak again instead.

“Miss Mika said you could help me,” Joon says, his tone neutral this time, and his choice of words safe enough. He doesn’t quite cower, but it’s close enough. It reminds him of his younger self, and of Lord Ozunu’s lessons (“You are a man, not a mouse,” he’d say, whenever Raizo would cower against the wall, too tired to continue, and knowing fully well he’d get beaten up for crying . ”Stand up and fight. Don’t be a weakling.”)

“Mika has too much faith in me,” Raizo admits, his voice rasp and not quite as soft as he means it to be. “What you did – it was _stupid_. If I were my past me, you would be dead already.”

Joon stares at him. The boy (he is not quite a man, not yet, if Raizo is guessing correctly) has fire in his eyes, and there is a certain steel behind his words. Raizo recognizes a clan-trained disciple when he meets one. Perhaps he’s run away too, and expects execution for his mistake, so he ran to Mika for help?

Raizo wonders how young he was started into this life. A life of hiding and not-feeling-anything and killing-without-a-second-thought. The boy retains a certain…innocence about him, despite being a-bit-more-a-man-than-a-boy. Raizo gets up from the floor, and out of the corner of his eye, he thinks he sees Joon flinch. He makes sure to put a certain, safe distance between them. He is obtuse, but not obtuse enough to not notice when someone is uncomfortable in his presence.

“I know,” the boy replies, after a long, awkward pause. The silence hangs heavy between them. “And I thank you for pardoning my life. Now, may I stay? Miss Mika said she would explain it all to you in due time.”

Raizo eyes the boy once again. He’s standing now, and he is almost as tall as Raizo, though thinner and looks far more graceful, almost as if he too weren’t a trained assassin.

Raizo nods. “Stay, then. If Mika trusts me enough to send you to me, then so be it.” he says. “But you will tell me all, in due time. I do not pretend to harbor strangers under my roof.”

The boy rubs his wrists, more out of nervousness than pain, and smiles at Raizo. It is a fake smile, but it still shines brightly. Perhaps he is more of a spy than an assassin, unlike Raizo. “Don’t worry about it, Mr. Raizo. If you think me capable of killing you in your sleep, or something of the like, I’m flattered. My… _skills_ are not nearly as advanced as yours.”

His attempt at flattery is probably safe enough, so Raizo lets him be. He offers his hand, but only intends to indicate for Joon to follow him, instead, Joon takes his arm.

It is odd, to say the least, and Raizo doesn’t know what to think of it, so, instead, he simply shows Joon where he can rest for the night, and retires to his own quarters.

It’s probably not-so-wise, this is all a bit foolish of him, to let this stranger just walk into what Raizo is slowly building to be his own place, but he didn’t really get any _vibes_ from Joon, and if Mika trusts the boy…well, Mika has always been a better judge of character than Raizo.

 

3

Just like Raizo, Joon still does not offer information about himself, unless asked. He does everything that is asked of him, though, works for his keep, doesn’t ask about Raizo himself, and refuses to call him anything but mister. It’s certainly a far more different side of Joon, as Raizo still remembers Joon being flirty and teasing Raizo, though that side of Joon’s had certainly kind of turned Raizo on, it’s nice to have a civil conversation with him, whenever possible.

“How did you meet Mika?” he asks, while they both sweep the leaves that autumn combined with far too many time of not being cleaned, have left on the garden. Joon is diligent, and seemingly comfortable with Raizo’s lack of trying to start a conversation, but they do have to discuss Joon’s circumstances at some point, while they wait for word from Mika.

“In Amsterdam,” Joon replies, doesn’t even stop to turn around and face Raizo, though Raizo notices how Joon’s grip on his rake becomes tighter. “Miss Mika and her team were in trouble, and I helped her. She then insisted on helping me with my own… _issue_.”

Mika, ever the gentle soul. Raizo almost smiles. “I suppose you will not tell me why you were in Amsterdam, even when it’s obvious we share a similar background.”

 _That_ does make Joon stop sweeping. “I can assure you we do _not_ , Mr. Raizo—“

“Raizo is just fine,” he reminds Joon, though he is sure his suggestion will go ignored, as usual.

“I was trained to be a spy and assassin from birth. Our backgrounds are not so similar,” Joon replies, a haunted look in his eyes, though it flashes too quickly, and Raizo isn’t even sure he’s seen it. “At least you – never mind.” Joon mutters under his breath, then stays silent, to gather his thoughts, it seems. “I’m sorry for my comment, if it offended you. I never meant to suggest my life was harder than yours, or anything of the like.”

It almost did, until he looked at Joon’s eyes. Raizo was a child when he was taken into the Ozunu clan's custody, but to never have met your family, to never have known other life style apart from an assassin’s…

“It didn’t,” Raizo replies, going back to sweeping and gathering leaves in a big pile, placed in the center of the garden. “It’s…alright. To be mad at your circumstances.” He’s surprised at himself. It took him a while to open up to Mika, but with this boy…it is not easy, but it is not so hard to trust him with this, to give him advice. He tells himself it’s because they’ve had similar lives, because Raizo knows what it feels to go through what Joon’s been through.

Besides, being around Joon is not unlike being around a fearful, untrusting wild animal. He has to tip-toe around some things, has to speak softer and not sulk as often, if he wants the boy to trust him.

“I suppose not,” Joon replies. A comfortable silence settles between them, until Joon deems to break it. “I ran away. I was on the run when Miss Mika found me.”

Raizo hums, not wanting to make it a big deal. “Once you get a taste of the outside world, you start to wonder if _that_ life is all there is to it.” he replies. “Will they come find you?” is that why Mika sent him here? So Raizo could protect him? If so, Mika does have too much faith in him. He couldn’t even protect her when he should have, and now expects him to protect Joon.

Joon stops right in his tracks, once again, though he doesn’t meet Raizo’s gaze. “I don’t know.” Joon says, and sounds honest enough. “They would rather pretend I never existed, than bother find me and kill me. Miss Mika didn’t send me here so you could protect me, Mr. Raizo,” Joon admits. “She sent me here because my people were… _wary_ of the Ozunu clan, and knowing you were the one to wipe an entire clan out, they would be wary of you, too.”

It makes sense, Raizo guesses. “Don’t be so sure they won’t come sniffing around.” He tells Joon. “I trust you know what needs to be done if they find you.”

Joon half-smiles, still not lifting his head up. “I have always known what needs to be done, Mr. Raizo.”

-

Joon goes back to his own chores, though hours later, when Raizo is repairing some of the rooms, painting walls and making sure there’s enough light for the night to be comfortable, Joon is by his side. These days, it’s more common for Joon to be around him, than at the other side of the house, avoiding Raizo whenever possible.

Raizo would be lying if he didn’t admit to himself it’s a nice change. The house is too big, and he has been alone for so long, he had started to forget how nice it was to have someone to talk with. Raizo has never been particularly talkative, but Joon’s conversation is pleasant enough, and something to enjoy rather than endure.

“Mr. Raizo,” Joon says, helping Raizo paint the walls. His hands are coated in white paint, as well as part of his face. “How did you know I was here? I made sure to leave as little evidence as possible.”

He can’t see Raizo smile, since Raizo’s back is facing him. “People who are not me may not have known, but,” he replies. “When you grew up like us, you become paranoid. It is a bad habit I’m trying to break.”

Although Raizo cannot see him, Joon seems satisfied enough with the answer. “Thank you, once again. People who are not you would have killed me, no questions asked.”

That night, also, Raizo tries to not think too much about the boy.

-

As it turns out, Raizo’s attempts to not think about Joon seem to be futile, as he wakes up after dreaming of Joon and his slender body and (apparently) soft hands - with a problem between his legs that is _hard_ to ignore.

(Mika would smack him up the head for the pun, but he couldn’t resist)

 

4

Mika’s letter arrives months later, when Raizo-and-Joon have settled into a peaceful routine, and Raizo would be lying if he said he hasn’t grown fond of the boy. Joon doesn’t offer more information about himself, and Raizo does not ask more questions, not wanting to push his luck, though it is obvious Joon is even less used and comfortable with human interaction than Raizo has ever been. It almost makes Raizo sad, and a bit angry at the world, that someone as young as Joon has seen even more horrific things than Raizo himself. Then, Raizo remembers the world can be cold and cruel, and to pity Joon would not do them any good. What is done is done.

The house is more habitable now, thanks to their joined efforts to repair it and keep it clean, though it will never go back to its old glory.

‘Dearest Raizo,’ the letter reads. Raizo makes sure to be alone when he finds the letter, so he can ask Joon questions later. ‘You may have noticed I sent a stray kitten your way. He needs a home, and a place to heal and hide. He is old enough to take care of himself, I know, but I thought you could use some help with that fixer-upper of yours. Love, Mika’

It is simple, yet enough. Definitely Mika’s style, and he can see the hidden meaning, if Mika intended for the letter to have one: _he is not like you. Despite everything, he still has hope, can still be saved. Don’t let him end like you._

That would also be Mika’s style, but Raizo tries to not think about it.

Joon finds him in the main room, reading the letter over and over again. He’s using one of Raizo’s old shirts. It’s a bit too big on him, but since he brought nothing but the clothes on his back, he has to settle. Raizo does his best to not let his arousal get the better of him, but he is only a man, and Joon is rather attractive, especially when he’s using Raizo’s clothes.

 “Is that from Miss Mika?” Joon asks. “She told me she would send you something. I didn’t know it would take so long. Apologies.”

“You don’t have to, knowing what Mika’s job entails, I knew this,” he shows Joon the letter. “Wouldn’t get here too soon.”

Joon nods, understanding. “I know, but I was worried, Mr. Raizo, that you wouldn’t believe me when I told you Miss Mika had sent me.”

“Joon,” Raizo says. “I’ve told you to call me Raizo. We’ve been living together long enough for you to just call me by my name.” Joon’s shoulders stiff a bit, for whatever reason. Despite already being used to each other’s presence, Joon is not entirely comfortable around him, not yet. “Besides, it makes me feel old. Believe it or not, I suspect there is not a lot of age difference, between you and me.”

Joon’s shoulders relax. “I’m twenty two years old, mis—Raizo.” he offers.

“I’m twenty seven, and that wasn’t so hard, was it?” he replies, with half-a-smile on his face, though Joon can’t see it. “Also, Mika’s word is as good as any letter.”

“I suppose.” Joon says, absentmindedly. “If you get any more letters from Miss Mika, will you let me know?” he seems interested enough in Mika’s letter, now. Raizo wonders if Mika has been following Joon’s case closely, and will let Joon know if his own people look for him.

Raizo nods. “Of course.” There is no reason not to, Raizo guesses, as long as the letter is meant for Joon’s eyes too, or not particularly secret, like this time.

-

A month after Mika’s first letter, another one arrives, along with an unwanted guest.

Joon notices, the leaves on the garden stepped on, as if someone had been there. Raizo has not taught him how to be more aware of his surroundings, has tried to take Joon’s mind off their past life-styles, still, Joon is nothing but resourceful.

“Raizo,” he whispers, over their shared meal. The seriousness of his tone should not make something inside Raizo flutter, as Joon pronounces his name. Priorities, Raizo reminds himself, priorities. “Raizo, I think someone is around here. And it is not Miss Mika. She would be more careful.”

Raizo takes a sip of his tea, stares into Joon’s eyes. “I’ll check out the West wing, you check out the East wing, alright?” he gets up from the table. The meal will go cold, but they need to see to that before it becomes something bigger. Maybe it’s one of the agents Mika is training, sent here to tell them something. In the worst case, it’s one of Joon’s old people, and if they’ve left enough obvious traces of their presence, they can’t be that good a spy.

He hands Joon a throwing knife, and he settles for a kunai. “Try to not kill them, just immobilize them enough to get answers out of whoever is roaming around here.” He tells Joon, who nods and leaves to inspect the East wing.

-

It’s not long before he hears the unmistakable sounds of a fight. He rushes to the East wing, though he is not so worried. Joon can manage himself in a fight, he tells himself, trying to calm down.

The person fighting Joon is dressed in a black outfit similar to the one Jihoon’s brothers-in-arms wore, once they were deemed competent enough to fight among the clan’s lines. This person is taller than Joon, but still moves fast, avoiding most of Joon’s blows.

This needs to end, and fast, and the fastest way to end it, Raizo guesses, is if he uses the shadow blending technique again. It’s easy to him, now, to just blend in and become part of the darkness. Neither Joon nor his opponent notice, and Joon’s opponent is definitely surprised when Raizo appears behind him, touching his pressure points and rendering him useless. The strange figure falls to the floor, with a thud, and Raizo has to restrain himself from checking Joon over for any injuries. The protective streak in Raizo settles, once he takes a look at Joon, who looks alright enough, definitely not hurt, and Raizo tries to ignore the itching on his fingertips, at the missed opportunity to touch Joon.

“Raizo,” Joon says, as Raizo comes out of the shadows, his warm hand on Raizo’s right arm. “That was _amazing_.”

Raizo nods solemnly. “They’ll be out for a few hours,” he nods at the unconscious body lying on the floor. “Bound them, and leave them on the main room’s floor. There’ll be time for questions later.”

Joon does as he’s told.

-

Joon meets him just outside the house, the main room already occupied by whoever was stupid enough to roam around while Joon and Raizo are there.

“Was that the shadow blending technique?” Joon asks, his eyes shining with curiosity and excitement. He’s certainly never been so interested in what Raizo does, and though Raizo will deny ever thinking about it, he feels proud of himself, for some reason.  

Raizo nods. “Yes. It is not something I would tell you to attempt.” He narrows his eyes at Joon. “How did you know?” few people outside the ninja clans are familiar with such a technique, and seeing as Joon’s people seem to be better spies and mercenaries than ninja assassins, it’s safe to assume they found out through their own methods.

“I told you my people were wary of yours,” Joon shrugs. “Wary enough to infiltrate and know who we were facing, then carefully retreat, as we were no match to the Ozunu clan.”

“A spy?” among the Ozunu? And they ran away before they could be found out? He feels _jealousy_ build up in his chest. Kiriko, sweet, gentle Kiriko, had been so careful to not be found out, had been a decent enough _kunoichi_ to run away and never be found out, and yet, it was the spy from Joon’s own clan that survived?. A spy who simply wanted information, and was never as tortured by the clan as Raizo and Kiriko were, yet, that spy had what Kiriko never did: freedom from the Ozunu clan. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. It’s not Joon’s fault, and it isn’t the spy’s, nor is it Raizo’s, for not being able to help Kiriko. _These things happen_ , he reminds himself, _some live, some don’t._

“My sister, Mako.” Joon replies. “She managed to send the information to us before being killed by Lord Ozunu.” his voice is coated with something Raizo knows too well: anger, at himself, and the world. At least, Raizo was there when Kiriko died. Joon probably got the news from his higher-ups, a pat on the back for all his trouble, and just like Raizo, no time to mourn.

“I’m sorry.” Raizo replies, already feeling bad for assuming the worst out of that spy – Joon’s sister. He should have known better, truly.

“We knew that could happen,” Joon replies, getting back the control of his own voice. His tone is neutral, the usual emotion-less tone he uses around Raizo. “Lord Ozunu had a young kunoichi killed by her own brother, why would he not kill an outsider?”

Raizo’s breath catches in his throat, yet again. “Was your sister there when that happened?” did Joon’s sister know Kiriko? Or Raizo himself? Raizo, for the life of him, can’t remember any Mako among the Ozunu clan’s lines, but then, he never bothered to learn anyone’s names but Kiriko and Takeshi’s.

Joon eyes him, as if he were trying to read him. “If you meant to ask if my sister knew you, and the young kunoichi, she did.” Joon says, his voice barely a whisper now. “It does not matter. The past is the past, and now, we have a bigger problem. I think our guest is waking up.”

Raizo then hears a pained groan come from the main room. “We can discuss this later?” he offers. It is an opportunity to know more about each other. If Joon is to stay even for more time with him, it’s better that they know some things about the other. Joon nods, curtly, and then walks to the main room, Raizo closely behind him.

The guest turns out to be a man, one of Joon’s old training…buddies? Pals? Raizo is not sure how to call the strange man, since in Joon’s particular association, the concept of brothers-in-arms does not exist.

“We have no siblings, unless they are blood-related,” Joon explains, while tightening the bounds around the intruder’s hands and feet. “You are trained to believe each other brothers and sisters, because a family that works together is stronger. In my clan, if you will, it’s every person by themselves.”

“Is he your blood-brother, though?” Raizo asks, at the same time the intruder starts regaining conscience, a pained groan reminding Joon and Raizo they are not alone in the room.

Joon looks at the man on the floor with something close to pity, a tad of sadness and regret. “No. Although I suspect who he is.”

“Filthy dog!” the man screams at Raizo, struggling against his bounds, and his face still covered by a black mask. “Your people took Mako’s life first, and now you wish to take my little brother for yourself!”

“Silence, Joongwon. You know better than to throw insults at whoever has your life in their hands.” Joon replies before Raizo can, and also before Raizo can put himself between the intruder and Joon. “I am no one’s to take, and Raizo has not been part of the Ozunu clan for a long time, and he certainly is not to blame for Mako’s death. Now, be so kind as to tell me, what in the seven hells are you doing here?”

Joongwon manages to sit up, looking at Joon and refusing to acknowledge Raizo’s presence. “Will you truly kill me, Joon? Would you dare spill your brother’s blood?”

Just as Joon is about to speak, Raizo intervenes. “He won’t, but I certainly won’t think twice about it. Answer the question, before my patience runs out.”

“ _Joongwon_ ,” Joon says severely. “I won’t kill you, but will you harm me, instead? I can’t think of another reason a member of the clan would come looking for me, so far away from the headquarters. Is that why you came for me? Please tell me.”

This Joongwon person drops his head, almost ashamed. “No, Joon, believe it or not. I came for you so we both may run away together.” He admits, his voice barely a whisper. “You are all I have left.”

Joon seems to be quite taken aback by the admission, and Raizo feels like he shouldn’t be here to witness this exchange, at all. It’s intimate, and yet, Joon’s gaze holds him in place. “Joongwon…while I appreciate the sentiment, if we run away together, it’ll be easier for _them_ to find us. You have taken a great risk by coming here, but you still won’t be considered a renegade, if you turn around now, and start walking. Go back while you still can.” the steel behind Joon’s voice reminds Raizo that this boy is not simply that, a boy, but so much more. It’s easy to forget Joon is a trained assassin whenever he takes care of the garden’s flowers.

“I don’t care, Joon! I refuse to come back unless you come back with me.” Joongwon replies. “Without Mako, and without you, there is nothing for me back there that I need.”

“Joongwon, don’t be irrational—“

Raizo is about to just kick Joongwon unconscious again, until Joongwon looks at Joon, with far-more-than-a-sibling’s-love in his eyes, and his words just confirm what Raizo suspects. “I have loved you for more than half my life, Joon. Don’t leave me again.”

Raizo leaves the room as silently as he can, but the strange, ugly feeling inside his chest is anything but silent.

 

5

Days later, Joongwon is gone, and Joon looks more shaken than he has ever before. Raizo doesn’t ask questions, knows that it’s not appropriate, and then, Joon surprises him by sitting down next to him while taking the afternoon’s tea.

“Miss. Mika said she could help Joongwon.” Joon says, and it sounds more like a confession than a passing comment. “So I sent him to her.”

“It’ll be good for him.” Raizo replies, sipping his cup of tea, and looking at the sun setting, in front of them (more like, avoiding Joon’s gaze)

“It will be.” Joon concedes. “Joongwon has never known anyone other than me, or Mako. If he meets other people, perhaps, he will forget.”

Raizo knows exactly to what Joon is referring to. “Did you acknowledge it?” _did you promise him you could try to be together, later?_ goes unsaid. It’s none of Raizo’s business. If Joon wants to leave, and be with Joongwon, then Raizo will do nothing, as much as he’d want to. He tells himself it can’t possibly be jealousy, but something else he can’t— _won’t_ name.

(Does Joon want him to forget, too?)

“No,” Joon replies honestly. “I owed him a debt, and that’s why I was as gentle with him as I could be. Love is for children.” Joon pauses for a moment. “Love is for children, we were both taught that since birth, yet, he _came_.”

Raizo doesn’t know what to say. He used to believe that too, until he met Kiriko, and then he went back to believe love was nothing but a silly game between children, until—

He is not ready to admit that much to himself, not yet.

 

6

The same day Mika sends a letter, telling Raizo she will visit, after a whole year and a half of not having word from her, is the same day Joon decides to leave.

“I have spent a long time here, Raizo,” Joon tells him, putting all his things in a backpack. Joon still doesn’t have much, but it’s enough for him to survive on his own. “And it’s obvious that no one is looking for me. I don’t want to trouble you any further.”

You don’t, Raizo wants to say. Joon’s presence around here seems to brighten up the burned-down-and-in-repair house, somehow. It certainly is the most entertained he’s been since his childhood, and the less lonely he’s felt, too.

Raizo knew this day would come. _Still_. Still he won’t admit to himself that, perhaps, he’s grown more than fond of Joon. That Joon’s presence alone is enough to remind Raizo he is not alone, not anymore.

“Write as often as you can,” he tells Joon, handing him the best sword he’s got. Joon carried no weapons when he arrived here, and if he’s going out there, the sword is better than nothing, and Joon’s swordsmanship is not half-bad. “And don’t cause too much trouble. Nothing Mika or I couldn’t take care of.”

Joon’s fingertips touch Raizo’s palm, as he takes the sword from Raizo’s hand. It is a fine katana, indeed, and Raizo can only hope it’ll be enough to keep Joon safe, and as out of trouble as possible. “I won’t.” Joon replies, a smile curling his lips. “Thank you for welcoming me here. This was never meant to be a place for me to barge in uninvited, knowing how much it means to you.”

“It’s alright.” he tells Joon. “You being here was better than being alone.” too late he realizes to what he’s admitted to, but Joon seems to pay his words no mind. Raizo often forgets to measure his words around Joon. It is just so easy, to open up and let Joon see him for what he is, despite Joon tightly guarding himself, not letting Raizo completely in, he’s still warm and honest and captivating.

It’s been so long since Raizo could open up to someone so easily, could think of someone as trust-worthy, and gods above save him, _captivating_ , and now, that someone will be gone, too.

 “I hope that you find peace, here, as I have.” Joon says. “What happened in your past was not your fault. Just as what happened in mine’s, wasn’t my fault, either.”

Raizo wants to say so many things. He wants to do _something_ , but as he lifts his hand up, intending to caress Joon’s left cheek, Joon smiles. It’s not as bright as usual, though it also isn’t a fake smile. He looks almost _sad_.

“Farewell, Raizo.” he says, the leaves crumbling under his feet. “Live well.”

And then, Joon, too, is gone.

-

Raizo won’t admit that the house doesn’t feel quite like a home without Joon, and he will also not admit to calling out for Joon, only to realize he is gone, like every other person he has ever cared for.

He will definitely not admit to missing Joon.

He admits, at least, that it’s better this way. Joon deserves better than a run-down house and a mercenary who still has a hard time letting go of the past, better than a man who still isn’t ready to admit what he feels, and _then_ – Raizo won’t admit to feeling anything towards Joon.

-

Mika arrives months later than she said she would, and finds Raizo doing the same thing he was doing, the first time she came visit: grooming the bonsais, with quick hands and a frown on his face.

Mika has also always been good at reading him. “Oh, Raizo,” she says, though she doesn’t sound as pitying as she could. Mika always knows to hit where it hurts.

Raizo feigns ignorance. “ _Oh_ , Mika, what?”

It has always been easier, to not talk about his emotions, and to hide them from everyone else as well, but with Mika, there is little Raizo can hide.

“It doesn’t always have to be like this, you know.” Mika says, her voice laced with concern and fondness at Raizo’s impossible antics. “That is your problem: you think you’re better off alone. And if you even try to deny you miss him, you _will_ get my boot in your ass, ninja assassin or not.”

Despite himself, Raizo smiles. “Mika…it’s better like this. I’ve always been better off alone. Joon doesn’t need to surround himself with my anger issues and my sulking.”

“For a big, tough dude, you sure are full of bullshit,” Mika says, her temperament sparkling in her eyes. “Don’t you ever throw up in your mouth a little, whenever you say stuff like that?”

“Mika—“

“Now, listen to me, for once, Mr. I’m-a-big-bad-ninja-who-doesn’t-need-anyone,” Mika snaps. “Is it really that hard to just let go of everything, and just feel, and not deny yourself what you know to be true?”

It is, because the last time Raizo admitted to caring for anyone, he lost them both, Kiriko and Takeshi. The Ozunu clan does not longer exist, but enemies still lurk around, and how could Raizo ever live with himself if Joon ever got hurt? Joon can take care of himself, he knows—and deep down, he knows he’s not only afraid of Joon getting hurt, but of admitting something he knows to be true. It’s just--it’s been so long since Raizo allowed himself to feel for anyone, what if he screws up?

“You are a good person, Raizo,” Mika says. “And someone who deserves to be happy, so why won’t you allow yourself to?”

Raizo allows himself to smiles truly, this time. “You too, Mika.”

“If your little mind thinks I don’t know just how kick-ass I am, you have one coming.” Mika says fondly. “Want me to write to him? I promise Joongwon won’t come follow him like a lost puppy, he’s slowly getting over Joon. I think. Also, if I ever need to set you straight again, you will feel my boot in your ass for _years_.”

“I certainly hope so. Not the boot part,” Raizo replies. “I would _rue_ to kick his ass. It would _destroy_ me.”

Mika smacks him up the head, and then laments ever teaching him about sarcasm.

7

He gets a letter from Joon, along with a _particularly_ unwanted guest.

“Joongwon,” Raizo says, Joongwon stepping into the now fully-reconstructed main room. He’s wearing a suit (Mika’s little apprentice now, then) and without a mask, Raizo can admit he is easy on the eyes. “If you call me ‘dog’ this time, I will not make myself responsible for my actions.”

“Fair enough,” Joongwon replies. It’s not an apology, but it’s a mutual compromise of not inflicting bodily-harm on each other. For now. “I like what you’ve done with the place. Last time I was here it was certainly uglier, and I, for the life of me, could not understand why Joon would choose to stay here, when back at the headquarters, we had every luxury available, though other things were missing.”

At the lack of a response from Raizo, Joongwon continues, not before giving the letter to Raizo. “But then, as cliché as it will sound, I understood. Back at the headquarters, after Mako died, and I was pulled aside to become the heir, Joon had no one. He was _so_ lonely and I—“ he sighs. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not here to talk about the past. The point is, Joon stayed because of _you_ , Raizo, not because he particularly enjoyed these ruins you dare call a house. A house where anyone could actually live in, at that. Nor he stayed because of your charming company.”

“Because of me?” Raizo asks, genuinely confused and at loss for words, ignoring all of Joongwon’s attempts at provoking him in just a few sentences.

“He could have gone back to the clan, and be welcomed with open arms,” Joongwon admits. “I would have pardoned him, and he would have become my right-hand in every matter. Yet—the workings of Joon’s mind and heart have always been foreign to me. Despite his apparent distrust for you he--” he raises an eyebrow at Raizo. “Mika did warn me to dumb this down for you, so I will no longer tip-toe around this, and waste our time: it seems Joon has grown fond of you. He _loves_ you, and, God help me, I don’t know _why_.”

It honestly comes off as a shock. For all Raizo knew he was growing fond of Joon, the thought of it being reciprocated never even crossed his mind. Matters of Raizo-being-fucked-up aside, Joongwon is right: Joon would have a better life at Joongwon’s side, or becoming Mika’s apprentice, _yet_.

Yet, he remained by Raizo’s side, in his falling-apart house, and not caring about how cold and distant Raizo remained, despite trying his best to make Joon comfortable around him.

“Have I overloaded your little brain? You ninjas can’t think of anything but battle and secret techniques, can you?” the last part is more for Joongwon himself than for Raizo. “Ah, I had almost forgotten my purpose by coming here,” Joongwon straightens his suit up, yet again. “If you hurt Joon in any conceivable way, it _would_ do you well to remind you that Joon is a highly-trained assassin as well. Not to mention, I would have our entire clan after you. I am still the head, despite my little number months ago.”

“You’re a charming one, aren’t you,” he can appreciate Joongwon’s silver-tongue, if only because he has one himself.  “How did you ever become the leader of your rotten clan?”

Joongwon makes a point of ignoring Raizo’s words, and exits swiftly. It’s in their best interests to be at their best behavior, since Joongwon is the closest thing Joon has to family, and since Raizo has the feeling they will meet yet again.

Hopefully not, though.

-

The letter only says: I’m coming back. It doesn’t have a date, doesn’t tell Raizo when to prepare, yet, this time, he is ready to admit that he misses Joon, and can’t wait for him to return. He can admit he loves Joon. Not out-loud yet, maybe, but it’s progress.

 

8

“We have to stop meeting like this,” Raizo says, as he lets Joon slip out from under him. He tried to pull the thief routine again, and Raizo bought it. He has to give Joon points for that.

“We do, though I knew of no other way to approach you,” he replies as Raizo helps him up from the floor. “I think a proper greeting is in order. Hello.”

“Hey. Sit down while I prepare tea or something.” Joon’s hand on his arm stops him from half-running away, and distracting his mind with anything else but the emotional confrontation that is to come.

“There’s no need, Raizo.” They still sit down, though, the tension between them is almost palpable, and Raizo is not sure in what moment he starts holding his breath. Joon looks as gorgeous as ever, shining bright and lightening everything up.

“I have missed you.” Raizo says, then realizes he’s just said _that_ out-loud. How rom-com of him, _really_. If Mika ever finds out, she’ll have a field day over this. Damn him and his big mouth.

Joon remains silent, though a little smile curls on his lips. “I—me too.”

“I know this place is ugly, and not warm and cozy at all,” Raizo continues, and doesn’t realize when his hand finds Joon’s. “But it’s less ugly, and warmer and cozier when you’re around. That sounded stupid, but it’s true.”

He also doesn’t notice in what moment they’ve gotten up from the chairs, standing in front of each other, with their hands entwined, and Raizo not feeling as empty as he did before he met Joon.

“It’s not stupid. Not so much,” Joon says, his breath warm over Raizo’s mouth, and his brown eyes staring into Raizo’s.

“Will you stay?” Raizo asks, and thinks the _forever_ can go unsaid.

As Joon kisses him, he hears a faint whisper. “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, any review is appreciated xx


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